Evangelion: Redemption (Ch. 18 of 19) - Part 1

[fanfic_mausoleum_n_grill]

Neon Genesis Evangelion

EVA-R Prime Extension

(c) Alex Voutsis

Writer's Notes:

Credit where credit is due to Gainax, etc etc. Evangelion is someone else's property, etc.

Additional Credits to the creators of EVA-R Illustrated Fan Fiction. Find it at http://www.eva-r.com - it is an absolutely brilliant fan fic and essential reading to understand this story. You should have read EVA-R up to episode 53 PRIME before reading this fan fiction.

The other fan fictions that are a part of this storyline are

Light of the Soul/Contact

Light of the Heart/At Last, a Reason

The Runaway

Stand By Me

Another's Touch

Thanks for Caring

House of Cards

In the Shadows

A Wish for Dreamless Sleep

Pandora's Box

Progeny / Second Child

Homeostasis/Transistasis

Faces in the Crowd

Meaningful Gestures

Best Foot Forward

No Answers / I want You to Stay

This fan-fiction is intended to continue the story begun in the above episodes.

Killing Time

The events in this story follow on directly from No Answers / I want You to Stay.

(The feeling is strange, cold, slow, exposing him. It is as if he were lying in bed while his sheets were slowly pulled away.

She is reaching for him, her mind searching, trying to find something to hold onto. It presses against him, carressing, touching without any real purpose - touch for the sake of touching.

Tenkei is terrified. He doesn't know what she's going to do.

The urge to pull away is almost too much. He needs to act, he needs to defend himself, he has to stop the intrusion. She's too close, too dangerous, too likely to hurt him.

And then he hears her voice.)

Rei: Please.

(And he remembers everything that has led to this point, everything that has brought him here, less than a kilometre from where she is.

He exhales, slumping in the back seat of the car, his eyes closed. The action draws neither Seyoko or Benedict's attention - they continue watching the road, unaware of the contact taking place between Tenkei and the object of his search. They cannot feel her presence here.

The sensations of the car's interior - the feel of the upholstry, the sound of the airconditioning, the constant distant rush of the motor and the tires and the road merging into a single sound that is felt as much as heard - fades gradually as Tenkei's mind goes numb to it. The distant touch is all that concerns him.

He lets go. He lets her take control of the contact. Like water flowing around a rock she embraces him, her presence surrounding him, holding him closely.

Abruptly Tenkei is aware of new sensations. A mattress, shifting under him as the girl shifts her weight to give him room to lie beside him. Bedsheets over him, blanketing him completely, covering even his head. Her arms around him, her body curling as she embraces him.

He can feel her naked skin against his. Her breathing is soft against the top of his head. Her hands meet over his chest, shifting slightly, finding a comfortable place to rest, and then she is motionless.

They remain like this for a moment. With his head covered by the blanket Tenkei cannot see the rest of the room. He can feel the slight shift of the girl's body as she breathes, ever so slightly increasing the pressure on his back as she inhales, and easing as she exhales.)

Tenkei: Why are you doing this?

Rei: ..

Tenkei: ..

Rei: ..

Tenkei: Do you know?

(This is not the Rei Ayanami of Tokyo-3. No - Tenkei corrects himself. This is not Rei Ayanami at all. This is someone else.)

Rei: There is no reason.

Tenkei: Then why are you doing this?

Rei: This is what we do.

(This is someone who knows Tenkei and Rei intimately. Someone who has seen their lives from the inside, a moment of psychic contact burning it into her consciousness. In that moment their lives had crossed over to the other. She knows so much - and understands so little.)

Tenkei: But why do we do this?

Rei: We just do.

Tenkei: That's wrong.

(It is all she has, all she knows, all she has experienced. It is all she has to hold on to.

Her grip on him tightens.)

Rei: It's not. This is what we do.

Tenkei: But you must know why.

Rei: ..

Tenkei: ..

Rei: ..

Tenkei: What do you feel?

Rei: ..

Tenkei: How do you feel?

Rei: I am content.

Tenkei: No. You should be happy.

Rei: Then I am happy.

Tenkei: But you're lying.

Rei: But if this is happiness?

Tenkei: ..

Rei: Then holding you is happiness.

Tenkei: Only if it makes you happy.

Rei: ..

Tenkei: But you know it doesn't. Because you aren't Rei Ayanami.

Rei: I am.

Tenkei: You are not.

I am.

(And she is gone. The contact is cut off abruptly, sending Tenkei jarring back in his seat in the car.

This time the adults in the front notice.)

Seyoko: Tenkei?

Tenkei: ..

Seyoko: Are you okay?

Tenkei: ..Yes. I just..

Seyoko: ..

Tenkei: ..Fell asleep.

--------------------------------------------------

(The sounds of the street carry upwards to the balcony. There isn't much at this hour; early morning. Dim skies. The sun is still hidden. The occassional car swooshes down a distant street.)

Lyn: ..

(At times it feels as if the apartment is always empty. Although small by the standards he knew back in Europe, the flat he shares - or used to share - with Seyoko Okazaki seems too big, too vacant. Someone else is meant to be there.)

Lyn: (thinking) She's spent too much time away.. I just want her to come back here for a while.

Lyn: (thinking) I want it to be like how it was before - when she was a part of this place.

(Lyn quietly wonders, in the fashion of boyfriends, if it's alright for him to miss a girl other than the one he's going out with.

The sound of a balcony door sliding open is a loud grind in the quiet morning air. The sound comes from below him. Lyn leans slightly over the edge, trying to catch a glimpse of the apartment below.)

Lyn: (quietly) Shinji?

Lyn: Hello?

Lyn: Is anyone down there? Door open? Hi?

(A quiet, serious discussion with another guy about his minor dillemna would be good. It isn't what he gets.)

Asuka: What?

Lyn: Oh.

Asuka: What?

Lyn: Nothing.

Asuka: A nothing, huh? I'm hearing that a lot these days.

Lyn: Yeah, nothing. Don't worry about it.

Asuka: Oh. (knowingly) This is a guy thing.

Lyn: No.

Asuka: So it's about girls then.

Lyn: No! Geez. I said don't worry about it.

Asuka: Well, it's not like I'm holding you here, forcing you to talk. Walk away if you want to.

(The Sixth Child moves to change the topic.)

Lyn: How's Shinji?

Asuka: Why do you want to know?

(Anouilh feels a surge of irrational anger at the girl's response. He holds himself back from answering immediately, pulling together a more or less sane answer.)

Lyn: He's a nice guy and I care.

(This silences Asuka.)

Lyn: Hey?

Lyn: Are you still down there?

Asuka: Yeah, I'm here. And Shinji seems okay.

Lyn: ..

Asuka: 'Course, it's not like he cries into my shoulder every time he feels down.. so I guess what I just told you is pretty worthless.

Lyn: But you two are.. close, right?

Asuka: Huh? Us? Close?

Lyn: Asuka.. we all saw you and Shinji at the party.

Asuka: Oh. Yeah. That kind of thing sneaks up on you, doesn't it?

Lyn: I wouldn't know. I wasn't kissing Shinji.

Asuka: Huh. Well, what do you want me to say? That we're boyfriend and girlfriend?

Lyn: ..Are you?

Asuka: Why do you want to know?

Lyn: No reason. I just..

Asuka: What? (humor) This isn't some weird crush thing you've kept hidden is it?

Lyn: No. (pause) God no.

Asuka: Hmmph. (idle tone) Now you're gone and hurt my feelings. I don't know if I can answer anything for you.

Lyn: Why is Shinji doing this?

Asuka: ..

Lyn: ..

Asuka: What do you mean?

Lyn: This whole mission thing. It doesn't seem like him.

Asuka: You've been told?

Lyn: Sort of. Apparently I'm going to be on standby in case of a counter-offensive.

Asuka: Huh.

Lyn: But what about Shinji? I mean, is he trying to prove something? Is it because of what happened to the Commander? I've only heard rumors - stuff like he hasn't come out of his room in weeks. Some people say he isn't in Tokyo-3 anymore.

Asuka: It's nothing to do with him. Or maybe it is. I don't know.

(The girl a story down gives a little groan.)

Asuka: The idiot probably decided "Hey, I'm going to turn into someone else!" Or something like that. Snap bang, no more Shinji, only this jerk.

Lyn: ..

Asuka: Well okay, that's not really true. But it's annoying.

Lyn: Why? Is he acting strangely?

Asuka: No.

Lyn: Is he keeping to himself? Is he talking about it?

Asuka: No.

Lyn: If he's no different, why is he annoying?

Asuka: He's not! It just.. seemed like the thing to say.

Lyn: ..

Asuka: Shinji's annoying. You know.

Lyn: ..

Asuka: ..

Lyn: G'night Asuka.

(He briefly glances up at the gradually brightening sky.)

Lyn: Good morning, I mean.

--------------------------------------------------

(Later that morning.

He presses down on the button built into the wrist of the plugsuit. The material contracts around his body with a hiss.)

Kensuke: That was so cool.

(He quickly checks the small manual he had been given to see if there's a way to unseal and reseal it.)

Kensuke: That would be really cool.

(If there is one, he doesn't find it. But there are many other cool things about the plugsuit to keep Kensuke Aida occupied.

He and a number of other teenagers - all boys and all from his class at school - are in the male locker room in the Geo-Front. This is the chamber for pilots to prepare, and it is seeing more duty today that in any day in its short history. The lockers are fitted with numbers or letters; the numbers are for pilots, 3 and 6, while the letters are for trainees.

Kensuke shut his eyes in pure excitement and struggled to control the urge to scream.)

Kensuke: (thinking) I'm going to train for the Evangelions!!

(He knows he has to control himself.)

Kensuke: (thinking) I've got to control myself.

(See?)

Kensuke: (thinking) I can't afford to blow it. I've got to pay attention, obey all instructions, and not screw anything up.

Kensuke: (thinking) I hope I don't screw up..

--------------------------------------------------

Asuka: Is it wrong for me to hope he screws up?

Misato: (disapprovingly) Asuka..

Asuka: What?

Shinji: Let's just see how he does. He could turn out to be a really great Eva pilot.

Asuka: Or he could turn out to be a huge pain in the you-know-what. (inventively) A huge-er pain, I mean.

(The Second Child gestures at the screen, where Aida, among other hopefulls, wait in an adjacent chamber for their synch tests.)

Asuka: He's almost glowing with that icky enthusiasm of his.

Shinji: He has always wanted to do something like this. If you walked in there Misato, he'd probably salute.

Misato: Knowing kids, he'll probably grow out of it. Once he realizes that this isn't one of his robot animes, he'll calm down a bit.

Asuka: I know, I know. I've seen it happen. He becomes gradually more surly and disillusioned, doubts himself and his skills, loses all ability to communicate with others, and spends an abnormal amount of time listening to his headphones. Right Shinji?

Shinji: ..

Misato: Actually, I haven't seen you with your 'phones recently.

Shinji: One of the plugs isn't working right. I'm going to have to get a replacement set. (peers at screen) Is Touji or Goro in there?

Misato: Not today. I'm not sure exactly when.. (to Maya) When are Suzahara and Tezuka scheduled?

(The young woman checks her ever present folder, leafing through half-a-dozen sheets before finding what she is looking for. Katsuragi secretly wonders how she can keep it in order. The Major herself can barely keep two pieces of paper stapled together for more than a day, but Maya seems to glide effortlessly through reports and schedules and data, paper that entire forests were probably felled for. Misato briefly imagines a secret chamber in the bowels of Terminal Dogma, where Maya Ibuki keeps all her old reports and papers in endless rows of unmarked filing cabinets, among secret government reports and Evangelion embryos suspended in vials of LCL..

Or just keeps computer backups and shreds everything else.)

Maya: The day after tomorrow for Tezuka. For the Fourth Child I wanted to set up a smaller private session, for obvious reasons, probably early next week.

Shinji: I'd like to come in that day. He might need a hand, and I'd like to be there to give it.

Misato: We'll see if anything comes up before then.

(Shinji and Asuka both know what she means.

Shinji might be gone by then. The attack is looming, coming closer and closer. Not knowing the exact time or date or even location seems to add a more urgent sense of worry. Almost fear.)

Shinji: Well, I suppose we will..

Asuka: Besides, I've got no plans. I could probably help him out.

Shinji: (looking at her)

--------------------------------------------------

(Not required for today's exercises, the Sixth Child is having lunch with a special someone.

Aoi leans forward over her plate, taking a small bite of her pastry. The holidays are nearly over, and once school resumes Tamashii and Anouilh will have few opportunities like this.)

Aoi: Tell me..

(Lyn draws his attention back from his cup of tea.)

Aoi: Would you rather be going, instead of Shinji?

(Lyn mentioned it a moment before, but Aoi had already known. He didn't really want to know how.)

Lyn: I don't know.

Aoi: Just a little? Testosterone bubbling up? Me big strong, me beat you up?

Lyn: Maybe if I were going. (sips tea) But since I'm not.. I really don't know how I'd be coping unless I was in that situation.

Aoi: Disgustingly easy answer.

(Aoi picks up her pastry again, taking another small bite and setting it back down on its plate very carefully, keeping any crumbs or flakes or grains of sugar off the tablecloth.)

Lyn: We don't even know what he'll be facing. It could be anything.

Aoi: Oh, I can't agree with that. We have an idea of what he'll be facing.

Lyn: What?

Aoi: The kind of people SEELE end up making. Everything they touch, it seems, ends up becoming like them. Ikari - I mean Shinji's dad - ended up that way, not able to trust. I guess you could say he and Shinji are alike - they don't want to take the risk of someone saying no. They just deal with it in different ways. Shinji backs off from danger - or at least he used to, but then Asuka got under his skin. But his dad, well.. now that's someone complicated.

Lyn: ..

Aoi: (looks down) Of course, you wouldn't know anything about that..

Lyn: ..

Aoi: (quietly) I nearly became like that too. I was afraid of trusting you.

Lyn: ..

Aoi: But that's what they do, they turn people into people like them. They can't trust anyone - they probably don't trust each other. Certainly SEELE and these people they're playing with now have probably already tried to backstab each other a couple of times. If we're lucky, one of them will end up killing the other one off, and that's half our problem gone.

Lyn: So they're paranoid. But that doesn't help Shinji.

Aoi: Actually, it does.

(Aoi Tamashii grins quickly, her teeth small and white, her smile playful.)

Aoi: Would you allow me to demonstrate?

Lyn: (pauses) Okay.

Aoi: (smiling) Close your eyes.

(Kissing words. The Sixth Child closes his eyes, a faint smile on his face. But just as he obeys, the girl adds another command.)

Aoi: And move your seat back a little.

(His smile fades a little.)

Lyn: (opening eyes) What?

Aoi: Shift your seat back. You know, shuffle back.

(He does so.)

Aoi: (looking) A little farther.

(He does so again.)

Aoi: That's great, perfect. Now, (leaning forwards) Close your eyes.

Lyn: (closing eyes)

Aoi: And one more thing.

Lyn: (opening eyes) What now?

Aoi: Give me that cup of tea.

Lyn: What?

Aoi: The tea, that piping hot cup of scalding tea. Give it to me.

Lyn: Uh..

Aoi: And when you close your eyes, keep your hands out of your lap.

Lyn: (now alarmed) What?

Aoi: It's like this. You give me the scaldingly hot cup of tea, you keep your lap unprotected, and then you close your eyes so you can't see what I'm about to do.

Lyn: (staring)

Aoi: Come on Lyn, don't you trust me?

Lyn: Well.. with the eyes closed, yes. With the seat back, yes. But the tea is pushing it.

Aoi: So are you going to let me or not?

(Lyn Anouilh looked in Aoi's eyes, his expression a little alarmed, but with a faint resignation.)

Lyn: (sighs) Okay.

(Anouilh hands over the cup of tea and closes his eyes.

Aoi seems to take a moment considering what to do - the boy's expression, the hot cup of tea in her hands, the enormous possibilities of causing discomfort and embarrassment in a public place.

Then Aoi leans forwards and kisses Lyn on the lips.

Ten seconds later, Lyn is breathing again.)

Lyn: (opening eyes) Woah.

Aoi: (sitting back down) See? Oh, here's your tea.

Lyn: (confused and dazed) Yeah. Um. Well. What was that for?

Aoi: (smiling) For trusting me.

Lyn: Oh.

Aoi: (smile fades) These people we're fighting, SEELE? They can't trust. They can't put themselves into someone else's hands.

Lyn: ..

Aoi: They can't trust others to be kind or just or compassionate or fair. And so they miss out on something.

Lyn: They don't get kissed by pretty girls?

Aoi: They just don't get people like Shinji. Or like you, or Asuka, or Rei, or even me. They would never trust a person with an Evangelion, with that much power - not unless they had some sort of backup or contingency.

Lyn: NERV uses contingencies all the time -

Aoi: (interrupts) Please. Explosives in the entry plug, yeah. You're talking about the sword of Damoclese, hanging over your head. I'm talking about one that's already dropped. I'm talking about..

(The girl trails off, trying to find the words.)

Aoi: Imagine.. cutting something out of someone, so that they couldn't argue with you. So they couldn't disobey you. That's what I'm talking about. Well not really, they wouldn't use people in the first place. They'd use a machine, a computer, something that had to obey.

Lyn: (standing) Aoi, I'm not understanding what this has to do with Shinji.

Aoi: Where are you going?

Lyn: I'm going to get one of those pastries. (quietly) It tasted really nice..

(Aoi flashes him a smile. She is briefly annoyed that he doesn't seem willing to listen to her - yet. But it isn't important. Shinji is the one who needs to know right now.

But in a way, she muses, he already does.)

--------------------------------------------------

Kensuke: (stunned) It was all a big con, wasn't it?

(Aida had spent twenty minutes in a test plug. He hadn't come within half a mile of an Evangelion, let alone piloted one. Or even seen one.)

Shinji: That's how most of this goes, Kensuke. It's not all running around in Evas stomping on things, shooting at other things, blowing stuff up.. not at all. Hardly ever, actually.

(Kensuke's expression grows more despairing with every word the Third Child utters.)

Shinji: For the most part, it's just like what you just did - exercises. Exercises, exercises, and more exercises. And tests. Lots of tests. And screening, decontamination. When you do get into the Evas, you usually have to do exactly what Misato tells you, and if you put a foot wrong you get an earful.

(Shinji doesn't look, but quietly predicts that Asuka is wearing an evil smirk.)

Shinji: There are times when you get to go about, do what you want to do, but that's usually in battle when everyone's orders are getting mixed up, and you don't have any fun. For obvious reasons.

Kensuke: Geez..

Asuka: (suddenly) Shinji's exaggerating. It's not all that bad.

Shinji: (surprised) ..

Asuka: Remember the gainload tests, Shinji? You and I raced around the Geo-Front. You can't tell me that wasn't fun.

Shinji: Well.. I suppose, yeah, it was fun.

Asuka: And there's plenty of other things pilots have to do, like..

(Shinji almost hears the bell in Asuka's head ring.)

Asuka: Like firearm training.

Kensuke: Firearm training? Guns? Weapons?

Asuka: (deliberately offhand) Of course. Each entry plug is equipped with an emergency survival kit and rifle, in case of emergencies. And pilots have to be thoroughly trained. At NERV's expense, of course. There's a rifle range and stuff for security personnel. I'm sure you'll be given clearance to access it once you reach that point in your training..

Kensuke: (speechless)

(Shinji knows that this is a half-truth. Asuka is saying it in a way that he's never heard - but exactly the way that Aida needs to hear. But he never expected it from Asuka.

The news revives Kensuke Aida. Reborn, he takes the lead as the three head for the elevator.)

Kensuke: Coming up?

Shinji: Uh, no, we've got some other things to do before we're done.

Kensuke: Sure, Shinji. Bye. Bye Asuka.

(The elevator doors close, leaving Shinji alone with Asuka and a suddenly horrible feeling in his stomach.)

Shinji: You were.. being nice to him.

Asuka: You're exaggerating again Shinji. (nose up) I was merely being informative. It's my duty to a fellow pilot.

Shinji: But - you knew! You know how he is about stuff like that! And you told him!

Asuka: And?

Shinji: ..

Asuka: ..

Shinji: ..

Asuka: You surprise me Shinji. He's your friend. You're the one who should have been concerned about his happiness. Why didn't you tell him?

Shinji: I didn't think of it!

Asuka: Well it's a good thing one of us did. That is to say, me.

(Shinji turns to Asuka and manages - after some effort - to get her to meet his eyes. The girl's slightly-aloof stance softens slightly; her expression reveals that she knows what he is going to say next.)

Shinji: Asuka, I'm being serious. Why were you suddenly being nice to him?

Asuka: Because you were depressing me. I mean, what you're saying is true, and has been true, and will be true, and it makes me sick.

Shinji: ..

Asuka: Made me sick. (quietly) Kensuke's not the only one who dreamed of glory when he was a kid.

Shinji: Oh.

Asuka: Yeah, oh. I felt sorry for him, okay? If the satisfaction he gets from shooting a bunch of stupid metal things through stupid paper things will make this easier for him, then why can't it?

Shinji: ..

Asuka: ..

Shinji: That's.. nice of you.

Asuka: I know. It's sickening. I'm talking to Rei more and more now.

Shinji: (blinks) Is that.. a problem?

Asuka: No, but trying to do it without falling into that sombre silence of hers, or developing that look of worship you have when it comes to her, is. Don't look at me like that, I've seen you.

Shinji: (blank)

Asuka: ..

Shinji: Asuka.. do you want to be friends with Rei?

Asuka: ..

Shinji: ..

Asuka: It's not.. it's weird.

Shinji: .

Asuka: I want to see what you see. I want to see her the way you do.

Shinji: ..

Asuka: ..

Shinji: You're jealous?

Asuka: Insanely.

Shinji: Well, you really shouldn't be. I mean..

Asuka: Why can't I be?

Shinji: Because you're nothing alike.

Asuka: Neither are we, Shinji.

Shinji: ..

--------------------------------------------------

(Benedict carries the luggage. Seyoko carries Tenkei.)

Tenkei: (eyes closed)

(The man sets down a suitcase to free up one hand, trying to work the key into the lock. Tokyo-3 may be a "modern" city of keycards and electronic identities, but most of the world still depends on the old lock and key. Seyoko turns, looking up and down the line of motel rooms. A few doorknobs have signs reading "Do Not Disturb" or "Ready for Cleaning" hanging from them.

Okazaki remembers the little diner they had passed on the way here, loaded with armed agents. She can only guess that this motel has at least a couple of permanent residents who are working for the enemy.

After setting down the luggage, Benedict takes a casual stroll through the motel, checking out all the rooms as he loosens his tie. He checks his face in the bathroom, rubbing a streak off the mirror. He looks over the cheap paintings on the walls, at the old TV set, at the air vents and at the bookcase of old, ratty-covered novels that are nearly stuck together with the glue of time.

Okazaki and Benedict don't discuss exactly how bugged their room is. They have to wait until they are well outside before that.

Meanwhile, Seyoko carefully lowers Tenkei onto the bed. It's more than warm enough so that he doesn't need blankets. Okazaki settles the boy down, watching his fluttering eyelids.)

--------------------------------------------------

(The man places the objects on the table. A cube. A pyramid. A rectangular prism. A ball - it tries to roll away and he pulls it back into place. Also on the table is a small clock, two glasses and a jug of water.

The girl doesn't even look at them.

With all the objects out, the man - a psychiatrist - brings several large cards out of his folder. On each is a picture of an object - a cube, a pyramid, a rectagular prism, a ball..)

Psychiatrist: This is simple enough.

(He holds up a card, showing it to the girl sitting opposite from him.)

Psychiatrist: Which is it?

Rei: ..

(No response.

The man points at the image on the card - a ball - and then waves his hand over the assembled objects on the table. The girl's crimson eyes follow the movement, but she herself remains motionless.)

Psychiatrist: It's easy. Here.

(He picks up the ball and holds it beside the card, showing both to the silent Ayanami. Then he sets them down again, retrieving another card. He holds it up.

Still the girl shows no sign of recognition.)

Psychiatrist: (shrugs) Okay..

(He takes the jug of water and fills the glasses. He sips from his. Opposite him, the girl lifts hers and empties it. The psychiatrist takes up the jug and refills Ayanami's glass, watching the pale girl with his head tilted at a slight angle.

Rei takes up the water and again downs the entire glass. And once again the psychiatrist refills it, watching with that same curious expression.)

Psychiatrist: ..

Rei: ..

(The girl's crimson eyes fall on the full glass, then lift to take in the man's expression.

Ayanami takes the water and pours its contents out onto the floor. She then places the glass in front of the slightly surprised psychiatrist and waits, her head tilted at an angle.

There is not even a twitch of a smile on her lips. She just watches, waiting to see if he will fill the glass again.

The psychiatrist stands, heading for the door.)

Rei: ..

(Outside, watching the girl through a two-way mirror, are the Suit and the Officer. Inside Rei's eyes flicker.)

Psychiatrist: She has object recognition skills, obviously. She sat down in her chair, she drank the water. She must have dressed herself this morning. But she has no reason to participate in the test. It doesn't work unless she wants to take part.

Suit: Looked like she was testing you. Now she knows what happens when she steps outside the rules.

Psychiatrist. Or she's just being resistant.

Officer: Then what do you suggest?

Psychiatrist: I don't think you dragged me down here just to see how she interacts with cubes and balls and glasses of water, right?

Suit: No.

Psychiatrist: There are a number of medications that can lower inhibitions, but I'd need full access to her medical records before I can recommend anything.

Suit: Thank you doctor, we'll schedule you for another set of tests soon.

--------------------------------------------------

(She can feel them, watching through the mirror. She can feel their curiosity, not nearly as strong as it used to be. She is no longer as confusing, as alarming as she had once been to them. They have other concerns.

For now the psychiatrist seems to have given up. So she sits at the table.

Finally she lets her eyes drift over to the space beside her, where he is standing, waiting.)

Rei: (softly) Are.. you real?

Tenkei: Yes.

(She almost can't see him. But at the same time she almost can. Her eyes cannot pick up his features, his clothes, his face. But when she looks away, turning her crimson eyes to the objects on the table, all her other senses know that he is there. Her skin tingles at his presence. She can almost hear his breathing, the occassional shuffling of his feet. She can smell him, smell the simple shampoo that she - the other - had bought after Tenkei moved into her home. She almost never used it herself, but Tenkei did.

She knows there is a difference. Somehow, even though she knows all these things about Rei Ayanami, she is not her. He told her that. It was.. hurtful at first.)

Rei: Can they see you?

Tenkei: No.

(They are not speaking aloud. They direct their thoughts to one another. Ayanami keeps her face calm, her posture frozen with her hands on her lap. A mad urge tries to make her reach out and touch the boy, but the fear of her hands finding nothing to feel holds her back. As long as she doesn't try to reach him, he might be there.)

Tenkei: You can be different from her. You don't have to be the same.

Rei: I like you.

Tenkei: ..

Rei: ..

Tenkei: Why?

Rei: I think you're trying to help me. I don't know if they are.

(She feels more than sees the smile on his face.)

Tenkei: You are different. She'd never say that.

--------------------------------------------------

Misato: (softly) Shinji?

(She's shaking him awake. She's never done that before.)

Shinji: (sleepy) Huh?

Misato: (softly) Shinji, wake up.

Shinji: Misato, what are you (yawns) doing here?

Misato: Today's the day.

(Suddenly the Third Child is completely awake.)

Shinji: Today?

Misato: Yeah. We'll be heading in, give you the briefing. Unit 01 will launch shortly afterwards.

Shinji: When do we go?

Misato: I have to go in now, but you've got another hour. You can catch a bus?

Shinji: (rubbing face) Yeah.

(He takes a minute to rise and dress - after all, Asuka probably wouldn't appreciate him going into her room in his underwear.

But when he opens her door, he is met by silence.)

Shinji: Asuka?

(She isn't there.)

--------------------------------------------------

Asuka: Hi.

Rei: ..?

(From Asuka's perspective, Ayanami has a good morning look. She looks just as scruffy upon waking up as she does for the rest of the day.)

Asuka: Good morning.

Rei: Sohryu?

Asuka: You're probably wondering why I'm here.

Rei: ..

Asuka: Maybe you're not.

Rei: Why are you here?

Asuka: I wanted to talk to you about boy problems. I know that sounds weird, but I think you'll understand. (quietly) Now, anyway. (louder) Tenkei and Shinji. You know, similar problems?

Rei: Oh.

Asuka: Yeah.

Rei: ..

Asuka: So..

Rei: ..

Asuka: Can I come in, or should we have this conversation through the doorway?

(Ayanami steps back and allows Sohryu through the door.

There is a small table and chairs in her apartment - yet another new addition to her home, along with every other touch she had added since Tenkei's arrival. The two girls sit.)

Asuka: Okay. If you're just going to humor me, then just tell me now and I'll leave, okay? 'Cause I don't want to sit here and pour my heart out for half an hour only to hear you say "That is irrelevent, you will be assimilated" or some stuff like that, okay?

Rei: ..

Asuka: ..

Rei: You came to talk.

Asuka: For us to talk.

Rei: (nods) Alright.

Asuka: Fine.

Rei: ..

Asuka: ..

Rei: You should start.

Asuka: Yeah.

Rei: ..

Asuka: ..

Rei: ..

Asuka: (looking down) Sorry, this is harder than I expected..

Rei: ..

Asuka: Okay. Shinji's going, and I feel bad. I feel really bad.

Rei: ..

Asuka: Can I start over?

Rei: Yes.

Asuka: Alright. (deep breath)

Rei: ..

Asuka: I don't know why he's going. No, that's not right. I don't know why he wants to go. No, that's wrong again. I know why somone would want to do this - greater good and all that crap. But that just.. isn't Shinji.

Rei: ..

Asuka: I'm not trying to say something bad about him. But I'd have liked it if he and I could just stay here and damn all the rest. I mean only a little while ago I was going to go. Now I'm not, so he is instead. Is this how he felt?

Rei: ..

Asuka: And I don't know why I'm thinking these stupid things. And they are stupid. I've known him for like, ages, and he's done pretty well, usually, as a pilot. It's not like he's going to trip over and knock himself out. And there's always Misato, but I'm still worrying that he might screw it up, and that says something about me and about how I feel about him but I don't know what it is.

Rei: ..

Asuka: And on top of that I can't talk to him about it, so I go and talk to you. Which is weird. No offense Rei but you don't contribute much to discussions.

Rei: ..

Asuka: ..

Rei: ..

Asuka: Are you going to say something now?

(Ayanami considers.)

Rei: You said that you and I have had the same problem, with Tenkei and Shinji.

Asuka: Well, I'm kinda guessing that we do, since they both have to go off like this..

Rei: So you think that I have thought the same things.

Asuka: (wry) Sorry, I guess it was a bit of a stretch-

Rei: (interrupting) I have.

Asuka: ..

Rei: ..

Asuka: Oh.

Rei: ..

Asuka: Well then.. how did you deal with it?

Rei: (thinking)

Asuka: ..

Rei: (slowly) There wasn't much I could do. (pauses) I did hug him more than usual before he left.

Asuka: Oh.

Rei: ..

Asuka: Good idea.

--------------------------------------------------

(Shinji Ikari begins his journey to the Geo-Front - and is stopped abruptly.)

Shinji: How did you.. no, don't tell me.

(The Third Child, faced with the grinning Touji Suzahara, Kensuke Aida and Goro Tezuka, gives in to the inevitable.

They had set up their little ambush right outside his front door, catching him on his way to work on this most important of days.)

Kensuke: Misato rang me to tell us about it.

Touji: He means, she called him to tell us.

Kensuke: She rang me Touji. She thought I would be the most responsible. I've gotta be at the top of the candidate list.

Goro: She probably only called you because your name is the earlier in the phone book.

Touji: Anyway, we're here.

Shinji: (smiling) Thanks. Thanks guys.

Touji: No problem.

Goro: It's important, so we're here.

Kensuke: I've got to say this is so cool. Historically speaking.

Shinji: Huh?

Kensuke: Well this is just what I think, but I think that you're going to do something very cool, like attack the bad guys somewhere else, at their base, right?

Shinji: ..

Kensuke: Because if it was another attack on us then we'd be evacuating, and if it was like an attack in another country we'd have heard about it on the news, but we haven't!

Goro: It isn't really important what you're doing, Shinji. All we know is that it's dangerous.

Touji: So we came to wish you luck.

Kensuke: It's got to be an attack. We're attacking for once!

Shinji: Um, can we keep this down a bit? It's sort of sensitive.

Kensuke: My lips are sealed.

Shinji: Well, guys, I was hoping I could talk to you about something.

Goro: What about, Shinji?

Shinji: About Asuka.

Kensuke: Oh.

Goro: Oh.

Touji: What did she do?

Kensuke: I bet that whole kissing thing just backfired.

Shinji: It's not like that. It's..

(Shinji hesitates.)

Shinji: I know you guys.. see Asuka in a certain way.

Kensuke: (innocent) What way?

Goro: (completely innocent) We see Asuka?

Touji: (presumed guilty) As if we'd do that.

Shinji: Seriously guys, I know all about it. You know, Asuka the demon, Asuka the.. (trails off)

(He can't call Asuka that, no way, because he doesn't honestly believe it. So he says something else.)

Shinji: The not-a-nice-person. Annoying, pushy, always taking offense at things she shouldn't take offense at..

Touji: (thoughtfully) Come to think of it..

Goro: (carefully admitting) Well..

Kensuke: (looking skywards) Now that you mention it..

Shinji: And I just want to clear this up. (deep breath)

(This has been building for years.

Ever since he had first met the Second Child, Shinji Ikari has tried to make sense of Asuka Langley Sorhy. It has been a long and difficult road, but Ikari now believes he has something that, if not actually the truth, is close enough to work.)

Shinji: You think she's a bad person. But when you get to know her..

(They listen.)

Shinji: ..she's actually a whole lot worse.

(From the expressions on their faces, Shinji knows they were expecting something else.)

Shinji: She has to have things her way. If it doesn't turn up her way then she'll hold it against you, even if it wasn't your fault. That's because she thinks you think you're somehow better than her and she hates that, even if you aren't. Thinking that, I mean.

Shinji: (takes a breath) She's got this image in her head of who and what she is, all worked out in all the little details and things. I don't know exactly what it is, but I know she doesn't live up to it. And then she ends up hating herself for not being who she thinks she should be, and then she ends up hating you, in this case me, because I was close enough to see it.

Shinji: And if it ever seems like you're getting close to her, and I don't mean close by close but by getting to know what she's like, maybe even starting to like her, then she's just as likely to turn on you for that. She thinks that people would be stupid to like her or that she would be stupid to like people, because people hurt.

Shinji: But you can't work that out until later, but by then she's gotten back to hating you because you didn't understand it when you should have, because she was hiding it. And if you do see it and try to help, she turns on you like it's your fault or that you're trying to take advantage of the situation or taking something away from her.

Shinji: And then, after all that, when you finally think you've got her worked out and maybe you can survive a day without stepping on her toes, you find out that there was something else in her, ticking away in her head until she says or does something completely unexpected and you realize that you had her wrong the whole time. And that happens.. (thinks) nearly every day.

(Touji, Kensuke and Goro have missed at least two thirds of that.)

Shinji: I guess what I'm trying to say is that you guys don't like her now, but if you ever get to know her better then you'll realize she's actually a whole lot worse.

(He takes another deep breath.)

Shinji: But..

(They listen.)

Shinji: ..I love her.

(From the expressions on their faces, Shinji knows they were expecting something else.

The Third Child gets the feeling that he hasn't actually gotten anywhere in his explanation, that despite his lengthy story about how Asuka works, which none of his friends are going to understand any time this decade, he still has the hardest part of his explanation ahead.)

Shinji: She's worth it. She's worth everything.

Shinji: I love Asuka.

Shinji: And that's the way it is.

Shinji: ..

Shinji: Okay?

Shinji: ..

Shinji: ..

Shinji: Um.. guys?

Shinji: Hello?

Shinji: Kensuke, are you alive?

Kensuke: Um. Sort of.

Touji: It's just a bit of a shock, Shinji. I mean, this just came out of the blue.

Shinji: (incredulous) But you guys saw us kissing just the other night!!

Goro: Yeah, but that seemed like a freaky thing. You know.

Kensuke: Like a dare or something. Or she was bored. You know, killing time.

Shinji: What makes you guys think that she might kiss me to kill..

(He trails off.)

Touji: Just a bit of a shock.

Shinji: (annoyed) You already said that.

Goro: That's just how shocked he is.

Kensuke: And that is very shocked.

Touji: I'm shocked, Shinji.

Goro: (shaking head) You have weird tastes, buddy.

Kensuke: (nodding) Very weird.

Touji: Shocked.

--------------------------------------------------

(The sun is merciless, beating down on the pavement, reflecting from the city's towers, blazing in the windshields of parked cars. Beneath the bus stop's shelter it is only a little cooler. It is almost deserted.

Almost, but not quite.)

Shinji: Hikari?

Hikari: Mr Ikari. Touji and the others are really bad at this, waiting outside your door like that. At least we can sit down.

Shinji: Uh.

(The Third Child takes a seat beside the class representative.)

Shinji: Did Asuka tell you, or did Touji?

Hikari: Asuka, then Touji.

Shinji: Right.

Hikari: I know this is unfair of me, but I have to talk to you.

Shinji: Unfair?

Hikari: I'm sure you'll have a lot else to worry about without this, but then.. so will Asuka.

Shinji: Hikari? What are you talking about?

Hikari: You're going, and she's going to worry about you. I'm sure that if this happened a year ago she'd still have worried about you, but she's going to worry more now. And you know why.

Shinji: ..

Hikari: Someone is going on between you two. I'm not going to ask how far you and she have gone, that wouldn't be right. And I don't want you to tell me stuff like that behind Asuka's back either.

Shinji: ..

Hikari: (warningly) But even if all you and Asuka have done is that kiss we saw at the party, then you've got to watch your step mister.

Shinji: (eyes widening)

Hikari: Asuka's been hurt a lot. I don't know how much you know about this, but she had the biggest crush on Kaji when he was still here. And there are a lot of other things that have happened to her in the past that she hasn't told me about.. and I'm pretty sure that you're to blame for some of them.

Shinji: What do you mean? I don't know what you're-

Hikari: Of course you don't, you're a boy. It's not all your fault.

(This isn't Hikari. This is Hikari after knowing Asuka for too long.)

Hikari: But basically, Shinji.. Asuka is my friend, and I will not stand for you screwing this up.

Shinji: (staring)

Hikari: (resolute)

Shinji: (staring)

Hikari: Well? Anything to say?

(Shinji has about a million things to say.

Hikari exists in a different world from Shinji Ikari, looking in on Asuka's life through a different window, seeing a different - but similar - set of events. So much is the same. The same pains, the same longings. But a lot seems, to Shinji at this moment, to be completely off the mark.

He wants to tell her that she's being stupid, over-protective, that he'd never do anything like that to hurt Asuka. He wants to tell her that he knows about what she's been through, and the last thing he wants in the world is to bring her any more pain. He wants to scream about everything he's seen Asuka go through and how little Hikari knows.

But at the same time he's sharply aware that Hikari has seen so much about Asuka that he knows nothing about. In all the things he experienced during the Contact, all the memories he and Asuka had shared, Shinji learnt nothing about Hikari Horaki. Nothing about her family or her habits or her secrets. Not a single thing. Asuka's relationship with the class representative had been hidden from him, despite everything.

And maybe, just maybe, there were other things Asuka kept hidden. Other boys at school she had gone on dates with, maybe gone further with. Shinji remembers back when she had first started at the school, the center of attention, the stunning foreign girl who was so pretty, so smart. Everyone had wanted to go out with her. And Shinji remembers that some did.)

-(flashback)-Asuka: My date turned out to be even more boring than you. So while he was standing in line for the rollercoaster I took a train back here.

(Nothing else. During the Contact, Shinji had learned nothing about that guy; his name, about the date they went on, or about the others.

Maybe Hikari is right. Maybe there is even more about Asuka that he doesn't know, doesn't suspect, something even deeper that he will only uncover after it has inadverdently hurt her..

And at the same time, Hikari's words strike at his heart. She cares about Asuka, her friend. That is something that, whatever the girl says, Shinji can understand.)

Shinji: Hikari..

Hikari: ..

Shinji: Thanks. I'll be careful.

--------------------------------------------------

(It is a quiet ride. For the most part the bus is empty, coasting past bus stops without needing to pick up or drop off passengers. There isn't much to break the comfortable monotony of the journey.

Shinji Ikari gazes out a window. Street corners, footpaths, the occasional pedestrian. Tokyo-3 glides past slowly, quietly.

The bus door opens and Ikari steps out, right into the next one. He is almost expecting it.)

Aoi: Well if it isn't the modest hero of the hour.

(A car passes - NERV security, watching the Third Child as he heads for the Geo-front on this very important day.)

Aoi: I figured you and I might chat.. it seemed the right thing to do, given the occassion.

Shinji: (walking) I guess everyone knows already, huh?

Aoi: (keeping pace) One way or another. But I suppose a little part of you wanted them to find out, didn't you? To make it easier to say goodbyes.

Shinji: Who said anything about saying goodbyes?

Aoi: You know what I mean.

Shinji: ..

Aoi: ..

Shinji: Yeah. I do. I suppose you're right.

(Aoi scuffs her feet a little as she walks, her steps slightly lazy.)

Shinji: Aoi?

Aoi: Yes Mister Ikari?

Shinji: Um, I was wondering about something you said a while ago. A long time ago, actually.

Aoi: Hmm?

Shinji: About my cello playing. You said you had, well, fallen in love with me because of it.

(The Seventh Child suddenly feels oddly uncomfortable.)

Aoi: You must realize of course that I was joking. It's not like I really did-

Shinji: I know that, I was just wondering.. why did you say it?

Aoi: ..?

Shinji: Or maybe.. how did you know to say it?

Aoi: (raising eyebrows)

Shinji: It's just when I was little, when I first started playing, I used to daydream that.. oh, you know the sort of dream I'm talking about. You play, you put your heart into it, you're really good and..

Aoi: Someone understands your song?

Shinji: ..

Aoi: ..

Shinji: Yeah. That's a good way to put it.

(Tamashii takes a breath and speaks quickly.)

Aoi: Well it's not that unusual. Fantasies about success among your peers, involving some sort of special skill, are pretty commonplace. They're everywhere really, on TV and in comics and stuff, I was just playing the odds.

Shinji: (small supporting noise)

Aoi: Yeah. It seemed, likely, you know.

Shinji: Did you ever have a daydream like that?

Aoi: ..

Shinji: Doing something only you could do, impressing a special somebody..?

Aoi: Yeah.

Shinji: ..

Aoi: Of course I did. But I guess when I finally realized that I could do it, I didn't really want to. I didn't want to be seen like that, you understand?

Shinji: ..

Aoi: I guess not.

Shinji: No - no, I understand.

Aoi: Really? Say, did you ever want to save your buddies in that big bad Evangelion of yours?

Shinji: (nods) Once. And I did. It wasn't all it was made up to be, though.

Aoi: Oh. (short pause) Well, I suppose things turn out that way.

Shinji: ..

Aoi: That was back during the first attacks, wasn't it? I remember Kensuke saying something about it once..

Shinji: Yeah. He and Kensuke had gotten into a bit of trouble..

Aoi: Did you want to save them? Sorry, that sounded weird. Did you want something to happen that would need you to save them?

Shinji: What do you mean?

Aoi: Daydreams and stuff. You wanted to be able to, just as an example, impress a girl with your cello playing. Did to want to save someone with your Eva? Did you want to show off? Did you, somewhere inside, want something to happen that you could play hero for?

Shinji: Well, um..

(He casts his mind back to that time, back to the way things were. No Asuka. Rei a mystery - more of a mystery than she is now. It had been before Lyn arrived, before Touji was hurt, before Kaworu, before Aoi.

Misato had been.. so strange. Saying such strange things.)

-(flashback)-Misato: (shouting) We don't need a pilot with THAT attitude!

Shinji: I suppose, a little part of me, maybe, wanted something like that to happen.

Aoi: ..

Shinji: (forced laugh) It's not like I thought about it all the time..

Aoi: But it's interesting, isn't it?

Shinji: ..

Aoi: What you want is part of who you are. Something you wanted.. no, something you thought should happen.. and it happened.

Shinji: ..

Aoi: It's something to think about, Third Child.

--------------------------------------------------

(This time Shinji is expecting it. Everyone has chosen a little spot on his route to see him, to talk to him. Everyone is making this out to be so important. It's comforting, while at the same time frightening. He doesn't want to be saying goodbyes.)

Lyn: Hi.

Shinji: Hi.

(He finds the Sixth Child at the entrance of the Geo-Front.)

Shinji: I talked to Aoi.

Lyn: Oh? What about?

Shinji: Stuff. Wanting things to happen.

Lyn: Hmm?

Shinji: Confusing things, really.

Lyn: (nodding) Yeah.

Shinji: ..

Lyn: ..

Shinji: ..

Lyn: About the range tomorrow.. I guess you won't be able to come.

Shinji: No.

Lyn: Yeah. Well, everyone's still coming along. You'll still be gone, right?

(It is a guess. Shinji doesn't know where the attack was going to be. Neither does Lyn. Neither knows how long the Third Child and his Evangelion will be gone.)

Shinji: Maybe.

Lyn: Everyone's coming. Even got Sorhyu - Asuka, I mean - to agree to turn up. And Ayanami.

Shinji: And Kensuke?

Lyn: (wry) He was bugging you too, huh?

Shinji: Someone must have told him, because he was telling me he wanted to come too. You'll keep him out of trouble, right?

Lyn: I'll do my best.

Shinji: ..

Lyn: ..

Shinji: You really convinced Ayanami to go?

Lyn: Well, I won't know for sure until tomorrow, if she turns up or doesn't..

Shinji: ..

Lyn: ..

Shinji: ..

Lyn: You really should be coming though. If we had some time this morning I'd get you down to the firing range, let off a couple of hundred rounds. I mean, you're the one going out there. You could need to do this.

Shinji: I know. But I'll be able to look it over on the trip, read the manual and stuff. I'll have it in hand by the time the operation starts.

Lyn: It's not the same.

Shinji: ..

Lyn: Shinji?

Shinji: Yeah?

Lyn: If things go wrong on the mission, if something goes bad and you have to eject, then.. well, you'll be in more danger than you ever have before in your life.

Shinji: ..

Lyn: If you have to shoot, then (shakes head) just don't think about it. Just shoot. Put your sights on the target and keep firing until he goes down, and come back. Just don't think about it.

Shinji: ..

--------------------------------------------------

(The briefing is short and to the point.)

Misato: Unit One will launch in in seventy minutes, surfacing at entry point fourteen for pick-up by delta wing. All other information will be provided during the flight.

(Looking around the Central Dogma control room - it is uncommon for him to be briefed here - he is almost disappointed not to see his father.

Misato's expression shows that she has her own things to say to the Third Child - but they too, it seems, will be saved for the trip. From what Shinji has gathered Katsuragi will be with him for the mission, but so many others will not. The voices of Rei, Lyn, and Asuka will not be heard during the operation. Neither will Fuyutsuki's, or his father's. Neither will Ibuki or Shigeru, remaining at their posts in Tokyo-03. Hyuga is the exception, taking a flight-crew role for the mission, as he has ocassionally in the past.

Likewise, there will not be support from the ground. Tokyo-03's defenses will not open fire upon the enemy, nor will the city supply him with spare weapons or escape routes. If he has to eject, there will be no recovery team, no reinforcements. The electronic eyes and ears of the city will not assist Ikari in locating his enemy. The situation is reversed - he will be in enemy territory, and the enemy will have every advantage that comes with it.

He heads to the male locker room to suit up. Normally in a combat situation he would be running this route. This time it feels more like a test or excercise; he is in no rush. But in a test there would be Lyn Anouilh heading in beside him, or Asuka and Rei stopping earlier down the corridor as they reach the girl's locker room. Walking this route alone feels unusual, reminding him of stranger times when he had been the only functioning pilot. One had been when he had first arrived, while Rei had been unable to pilot. The other had been near Kaworu's death, before Lyn arrived, and when Asuka and Rei..

..he doesn't want to think about it. He wants to think about something else - the mission ahead. But he knows so little. He doesn't even know what country they will be flying to. They might be in the air for hours, or only for a few minutes. They might travel across the globe for their target, or they might stop in a country geographically next door.

All these thoughts are driven from his head as the locker room door opens before him, revealing the waiting Asuka Langley Sohryu.)

Asuka: I hear you have an hour to kill.

--------------------------------------------------

(Tenkei holds out his hands.)

Rei: No.

Tenkei: Please.

Rei: No.

Tenkei: I have to show you how to do this.

Rei: No.

Tenkei: Please. I have to.

Rei: Why?

(He hesitates.

The girl sits on her bed, her hands on her lap. Her eyes are on the boy - or on the space were he would be. Sustaining his presence here, even only an image in her mind, is becoming more and more difficult by the second.

He realizes that she is blocking him, pushing him out of her mind.)

Tenkei: You might die. This will protect you.

(Still the pressure continues. Her red eyes are calm as she slowly but surely drives him away.)

Tenkei: You're.. forcing me to tell you.

Rei: Yes.

Tenkei: Something's going to happen.

Rei: What?

Tenkei: ..

Rei: ..

Tenkei: ..

Rei: Why won't you tell me? I only want to know.

(Tenkei doesn't know when the attack is scheduled to happen. But he knows it is to be a surprise.)

Tenkei: Because I don't know what you'll do if I tell you.

(She might tell them. And then..)

Rei: You are afraid?

Tenkei: ..yes.

Rei: So am I.

Tenkei: You shouldn't be.

Rei: Then explain it to me. Tell me why I have to learn this.

--------------------------------------------------

Asuka: (turns her head a little) Not really what I expected.

Shinji: What do you mean?

Asuka: The boy's locker room.

Shinji: What were you expecting?

(The Second and Third Children are making use of a bench built against the locker-room wall. It doesn't make a comfortable bed, so they half-sit, half lean against the corner. Shinji shifts his arms just a little, settling them around Asuka's waist. As he does so, he is surprised by how thin the girl is - he often is. At this moment she seems so much smaller than the angry red thing that he is used to.

He isn't letting go.)

Asuka: I'm not sure.

Shinji: ..

Asuka: Are you scared?

Shinji: A little.

Asuka: Of what?

Shinji: Of what I don't know.

Asuka: What about death? If there's something to be scared of, that's it.

Shinji: Well.. I hadn't really thought of it. I guess I'm more afraid or just something we didn't expect, then afraid of anything specific.

Asuka: You're weird.

Shinji: ..

Asuka: Or something, anyway.

(She sighs. Shinji feels the girl’s body shift.

Her breathing fills his mind; he feels oddly calm, hearing that soft sound, an echo of her familiar voice. A feeling wells up inside the Third Child - to hold, to embrace, to cherish. He moves his head slightly and touches his lips to Asuka’s cheek. Just once, and lightly. Carefully.

It isn't because she's suddenly fragile, suddenly not-Asuka. It's because Asuka is so many things to him.

He remembers a time when Asuka had seemed indestructable. He remembers when she had seemed as fragile as glass. He remembers when all he had ever wanted was to ignore her, to push her annoyances and her pointless, stupid whims out of his head. He remembers when all he had ever wanted was to see life return to her motionless body, bringing all those pointless, stupid, annoying things back into his world.

It is suddenly so clear.)

Shinji: I love you.

(He sees her face - he has a view of her cheek from this angle - form a smile. She turns, one blue eye meeting his. Her lips blow a teasing kiss.)

Asuka: Cute, Shinji. Keep that up and I won’t be able to let you leave.

(The smile fades from her face after a moment, her eyes growing distant.)

Asuka: I know what I’m afraid of.

Asuka: I’m not afraid of you dying. No, that sounds stupid. I am afraid of you dying, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. I’m afraid of you changing.

Asuka: You’re my Shinji Ikari, Shinji Ikari. I don’t want you to go around changing into someone else.

(She pauses.)

Asuka: That sounded pouty, didn’t it?

Shinji: ..?

Asuka: It sounded possessive, right? Unfair? Nasty? I mean, if you were a girl and I was a guy, then the whole “You’re mine” deal would be pretty sexist.

Shinji: I don't mind

Asuka: It still doesn't feel right.

Shinji: Well, I like it. (tightens hug momentarily) If it's being wanted by you, then..

Asuka: (uncertain) Well.. (smiles suddenly) Okay, Shinji.

(Again, that smile fades.)

Asuka: But these people, the ones who did those things in France and Germany.. geez, they’re assholes. They’re monsters. They’re murderers. They do things because it’s efficient, not because it’s right. You get it?

Shinji: Yeah.

Asuka: And the only way to beat an enemy like this - and I’m talking war here Shinji - is to be even worse. Shoot first. All that stuff you hear about in the movies. And.. I don’t think you can do that. No, that’s wrong - I don’t want you to do that.

Shinji: ..

Asuka: You’ve got this softness. No, that’s wrong again, I’m being stupid. You’ve got this kindness. You just.. don’t seem like that type, and I like that. I love that. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want this to turn you into someone else. I don’t want to get up one morning and realize that you’ve become some hard, mean type. I want you to stay Shinji.

Shinji: ..

Asuka: Is any of this getting through, or am I talking to the wall?

Shinji: Asuka?

Asuka: ..

Shinji: I am going to change.

Asuka: ..

Shinji: You’re going to change too.

Asuka: ..

Shinji: But I’m not going to change that way. Never. I’m not going to become like that. I’ve seen people who become like that.

Asuka: ..

Shinji: Like my Dad. I know what happened to him, and what happened to Mom. I’m not going to do that to myself..

Asuka: ..

Shinji: ..or to you.

(The Second Child makes a peculiar sound, half sigh, half moan, stretching slightly in Shinji’s embrace and resting her head to one side. Her hair drapes aside, revealing the paleness of her neck, leading up to the curve of her jaw, the shell of her ear, and the red of her hair.)

Asuka: Sometimes you surprise me, Shinji Ikari.

Shinji: (quietly) Anyway, we might be able to talk them out of it. The enemy, I mean.

(Asuka laughs at the thought.)

Asuka: Geez, that would be something to see. The Great Shinji Ikari saying "Please, just stop dropping nukes on people."

Shinji: It might work.

Asuka: Maybe it would. But you couldn't say it like that, anyway.

(Asuka carefully removes one arm from the comfortable hold she and Shinji are sharing and checks her watch.)

Asuka: Fifteen minutes. So, while you've got the chance is there anything else you want to tell me?

Shinji: Huh?

Asuka: Have you got anything to say? Any questions? Anything vital you've always wanted to know?

Shinji: (thinking)

(He looks at her. She has turned her face slightly, directing it towards the boy. The smell of her fills Shinji’s mind.)

Shinji: Yeah. There is something.

Asuka: Really?

Shinji: It's something.. probably something personal.

Asuka: (oo sound) I like personal. Well, not really. Not too personal, if you get my meaning.

Shinji: And it's something I've wondered about for a long, long time. Since I first met you actually.

Asuka: Hmm, a long-standing question.

Shinji: I've sort of wanted to ask you about it, but.. you know.

Asuka: Shinji, you're stalling.

Shinji: I'm not stalling. It's really something I haven't been able to ask.

Asuka: You're still stalling.

Shinji: I'm not! This just isn't the sort of thing guys are good at asking girls about.

Asuka: You don't actually have a question, do you Shinji?

Shinji: I've got a question!

Asuka: Prove it.

(Silence.)

Shinji: Asuka?

Asuka: Yes Shinji?

Shinji: (tapping with finger) Just what are these little red things in your hair? Are they just clips or something, or are they like our synch headsets?

(For a long, long moment, the girl is absolutely silent.

Then, with the slow, dangerous grace of a snake swallowing an egg three times the size of its head, Asuka carefully rolls over in Shinji's embrace. Her eyes lock onto his.)

Asuka: They're hair clips.

Shinji: ..

Asuka: That's all they are.

(She rolls back over, her expression showing sheer, overwhelming disbelief. Unlike her previous movement this one is clumsy, awkward, and manages to both knee and elbow Shinji in the process. She ignores his faint oomphs of discomfort.)

Asuka: I cannot believe it.

Asuka: I offer you a question - any question - to anything, everything! I offer you my truths, my secrets. I practically bare my soul to anything you want to ask me. About me, and what I do, what I think.. my mother, my fears, my dreams, my fantasies, and you ask about hair clips!?!

Asuka: It could have been about love, sex, stuff like that, stuff that I wouldn't be willing to talk to anyone about, but you choose to ask about "those little red things that have been bothering you for so long." Geez!

Shinji: But Asuka, you wouldn't have answered questions about any of those other things.

Asuka: (pauses) Maybe so, but that's hardly the point.

(As Asuka proceeds to explain what the point is, and her guesses at why Shinji didn't get the point when he clearly should have, the Third Child sinks back slightly, a small smile on his face as he enjoys what time he has left here, with the pilot of Unit 02.)

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